Conviction

“If you live gladly to make others glad in God, your life will be hard, your risks will be high, and your joy will be full.” John Piper

“If you don't feel strong desires for the manifestation of the glory of God, it is not because you have drunk deeply and are satisfied. It is because you have nibbled so long at the table of the world. Your soul is stuffed with small things, and there is no room for the great.”
― John Piper, A Hunger for God

(I was convicted of stuffing my soul with "small things". Praying for greater expectations).

Today these quotes have been eating away at me. I have always loved the first one. Perhaps, I have loved it but not always implemented it-thus not really having "full joy". Am I living to make others glad in God or am I living to make myself glad? I have to admit I have been focusing too much on the latter. In my first post I talked about being afraid of living up to my full potential and calling, and that plays a huge roll how I respond to others.

This last year I have come to realize I don't have many friends that I have a deep relationship with. I'm not one to have many very close friends, I prefer to have a few very close friends and others on a less intimate basis. I have one very close friend here in Phoenix that I trust and who knows the real me, my struggles, convictions, joys, sorrows, etc. and we have a wonderful relationship that I look forward to developing; but I have not put forth the effort to develop any more.
Moving around as much as we have has played a large roll in that area. I tend to be open and honest with people when directly asked anything, but I don't develop true friendships. I hate growing to love people and then leaving them. Having moved twice in two years I almost expected to pick up and move again in a year, so I didn't really pour myself into anyone for their benefit or my own this last year. I hate loving and leaving, but I felt convicted about the level in which I developed relationships with the girls in our youth group this last year. Instead of diving in and giving everything I could-I held back-a lot. I regret that and hope this year will bring us closer together as I open myself up to them and to be used however God sees fit.

Embracing change,

Lyd