Grateful for Heartache

Today, like many days, I miss my family so much it hurts. My mom called to tell me she is, "really missing me" and "I hate you being so far away" like she often does. As much as I like to hear those words, it hurts. I replied with my usual, "I know, miss you, too!" and jokingly say, "that's what you get for raising kids who follow God's calling" as I try not to get choked up.

I am grateful for a family that I love so much I get to miss them, and who makes it clear they miss me, too. So many people around us don't have that privilege. I don't take it for granted, but it doesn't make it any easier to be away from them. I never pictured myself having kids and being alone. I grew up with family all around us and seeing my grandparents every day. I had always imagined my children would be loved on and have their grandparents speaking into their lives in the same way.

Watching Jayden change every day is the most exciting thing-but it's hard when there is nobody to share it with. I find myself saying, "I wish you could see the way he is talking and sitting up today" over the phone. It's just not the same.

I don't know exactly what God has in store for the future of our family and where it will take us. I told my mom this week that I am glad God called us away right after we got married. I think if we had settled down it would have been much harder for me to move away from family. That being said, I don't think God is calling us back to Texas anytime soon and yet, I still have a hard time imagining life always being this way.
I have a hard time not resenting the fact we have such a loving family that we are so far away from, and yet, I try to tell myself to BE that loving family for someone else. If God calls me to love someone like my family loves me, I pray I can do it with all my heart. I pray the rooms of our house will be filled with people who need love and to be shown what family is. I am so grateful for the example I have been given in that area, and I would be honored to pass it along. Praying for the strength to always do it with a happy heart.

Grateful, even when it hurts,

Lyd